Top Chef: India

So, in lieu of sleeping, i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. (Why in lieu of sleeping? Because it's about 95 degrees, even at night, and my only hopes for a cool breeze require turning on the ceiling fan or opening a window. Unfortunately, the ceiling fan sounds like a helicopter is hovering over my bed, and opening a window is an open invitation for the army of mosquitoes more than happy to take me up on it. So, i'm left to wallow in the heat until the early hours of the morning, when my body decides it's way too freaking bored to stay awake any longer). So, yes, i've been thinking. On the occasionally-in-English TV channel, there's a show called "Top Chef" on which a bunch of predictably moody and slightly unbalanced contestants compete to be named the best chef and receive some fancy knives. Now, i have more than enough cutlery, but just for kicks - and why do anything if not for kicks? - I thought that my own current culinary difficulties could easily be made into an episode for the show. Why not send these chefs out into a market in rural India, armed with a few hundred rupees and a mission to create a meal based off of whatever they can find! Well, the producers aren't returning my phone calls, so for now i seem to be the only contestant... here is the meal i managed to come up with last Friday:

"Potatoes a la Palghar"

Ingredients:
- 3 relatively healthy looking potatoes (relative to the other ones, that is)
- 2 ounces of processed cheese in an unnatural square shape (though come to think of it, does cheese even have a natural form? "cheese in the nude"? Ah, i don't know...)
- 2 extremely pale cucumbers (you'd think they'd be tanned... but noooo)
- 1 tomato

Peel potatoes with a knife. Peel them fairly badly, cutting away about 10% of their size because you're an idiot and can't peel anything without a peeler. Boil the remaining potato mass for about 6-8 minutes, or until you're bored watching. Slice them into pieces, and fry in the skillet. Meanwhile, cut the processed cheese into thin strips and place over the potato pieces as you're about to remove them. Once all of the potatoes have been fried and are recuperating on a plate, chop up cucumbers and tomatoes into tiny 5-mm sized cubes to create the plainest 'Israeli salad' ever. Serve hot, best eaten while playing chess on the internet!

Culinary aspirations aside, thanks to my great friend Premal, I was able to do some relatively normal grocery shopping in Mumbai this Sunday. Here's what I bought:

- 250g of insanely overpriced cheddar cheese (for about $5!!)
- yogurt-covered raisins (mmmm!!! yummy)
- box of 6 fresh brownies (i'm getting to the healthy stuff...)
- a box of "cappuccino" cereal (my alternative to Starbucks... cafe mocha, how i miss you!!)
- pasta
- imported sweet Italian tomato sauce
- oregano
- frozen garlic chicken fingers
- frozen vegetable fingers (who knew vegetables had fingers?? ok... that was cheesy...)
- veggie burgers (yay!!! Karen would be proud :)
- jello mix
- brussel sprouts
- baby corn
- green tea

So... now, combined with bread and some vegetables from Palghar, i'm able to come up with some relatively familiar meals!! Who knew veggie burgers could be this exciting?? Now if only i could find some hummus, pancake mix, and Lucky Charms cereal... :).

Alright, that's all for now... all this typing is making me hungry so i should go cook something (still no word from the TV producers... maybe they didn't like my recipe??). I'll post more photographs of Palghar and the Adivasi villages soon!! I miss you guys!!